Week 41... still pregnant.

well... going into week 41 of the pregnancy tomorrow.

Facts:
Still pregnant. A little anxious. Appointment tomorrow for non-stress test and biophysical profile and written contingency plan of birth options for the next week, since March 12th is the "deadline." Thought I'd be in labor by today, no later than tomorrow. Maybe it's still tomorrow or the weekend. Who knows. Will keep everyone posted.

Details:
Little Missy is still kicking and flipping and moving around. I check her heart rate about 3 times a day when she's not moving around or if I haven't consciously felt her to my knowledge. She seems to be doing really well.

She moves around as if she has an Olympic sized womb to swim around in and only now, is it starting to get noticeably uncomfortable for me at times. I didn't sleep much last night. I'm not sure if that's because I was uncomfortable or just because I couldn't sleep or some combination of the two. I'm guessing part of it is just my anxiety at being completely not in control of anything.

I've done as many of the "tricks" people have told me to do to induce labor - minus the castor oil. I'm going to see if I can go for a long walk tomorrow - but the weather isn't looking good for that. I really don't know what to do besides to really try to "Let go and Let God."

This year of being pregnant has been a scary one. Not for me, but for people around me within 1 to 2 degrees of separation. And that's enough to make me worry about which statistic I'll be part of at the end of it all.

I never knew I had contractions until week 36 in this pregnancy when my midwife pointed it out to me. They were so tiny and inconsequential, I just thought it was the baby rolling into a ball in my tummy.

I still have those contractions, but now that I know they're contractions, I wonder if they're the "real" ones or the practice ones. I don't have any of the signs that I had with Becton in terms of going into labor (cramps). I don't really have any of the signs that it seems other pregnant women have either, (labor starts in the front and moves to the back or vice versa) so this lack of clarity gives me more of the feeling of a first-time mom, instead of a second time mom. Not the ideal place for me to be.

Sure, I'm second guessing my choice to go all natural, with a baby weighing close to 8 lbs. My brother was 8lbs 7oz and my mom had to get stitches.

I know I can't control any of this. I really just want to do what's best for the health of our little girl. If that means another c-section, then that means another c-section. I'll deal with it.

My favorite midwife called me today a few hours before her on-call shift was ending to see if I was coming in. I smiled and was happy that she thought of me. She signed up for the evening shift tomorrow night just in case tomorrow's the magic day. I really liked that.

Who knows... maybe this Sunday will be the magic day for a baby again. It seems like each Sunday has made me think I was going to have a baby. 3rd time's a charm? We'll have to wait and see.