he's growing up

i've tried to avoid the realization for as long as i can, but it is impossible. My little boy is growing up and there's nothing i can do to stop it. Sometimes it really seems like yesterday he was just a little glo-worm baby in my arms sleeping and eating and humming in his sleep. Today i heard familiar music of his swing playing and walked over to see him holding hostage the pooh mobile swinging above the seat. Tears came to my eyes as I remembered how little he was when I'd put him in the seat and he'd fall asleep while i cleaned the kitchen or made food. He grabbed the legs and shook the swing back and forth as it played its song and I just smiled.

It was a bittersweet smile. He'll never be that small again and he will be harder to protect in some ways.

he is such a big boy. From how he taps his hands and feet while watching tv, or resting next to me or Michael, to how he talks and attempts to make sense of the world around him. He's starting to differentiate his words. Everything isn't a "cat" anymore. His Baby Einstein dvd isn't "dah" any more, it's "ah dah yeeeeeee" and he is getting better at taking grown up hands to what he wants to do at the moment, with his simple command, "anhh hah"

I often wonder what his thoughts sound like in his own head. Does he have an ongoing conversation in his own language before it comes out in Becton-speak? Is he better at recognizing and understanding people he meets these days? Some times he's very clingy and just wants mommy. He's nursing only once or twice a day... mostly for comfort. He walks everywhere. Crawls up and down the stairs... and as of the last week or two... turns himself around in circles, as his new dance move.

I sit back amazed at his growth and his changes. Hoping that I'm able to provide as much guidance and influence that helps him grow into a strong young man. It will be nice once Michael is home for good and out of the National Guard. I guess the best times for him to be gone is now while our family is young. 5 more years and maybe then things will start feeling like they're falling into place. Becton will be going to the 1st grade by then. I can't even imagine it!