i'll be 60 before this kid turns 5, it feels like he's growing up so fast.
He laughed yesterday in church... between the break of sunday school and Relief Society (all women's meeting at church) and it was the most precious sound my ears have ever heard.
I have 9 days and counting at my Student Services job and I can't wait to be home with my little one!!! We've had a nice time together over the last week. He is establishing his own sleepy-time schedule... mid morning nap at 9 or 10... up to eat by 12 or 1... back down by 2 or 3... up again at 6 or 7... back down by 9... and might get up as early as 1am or as late as 4am. Either way it's wonderful and I didn't really have to do anything but let him sleep on his tummy like he enjoys!
now now... before you lecture me on SIDS and tummy sleeping... please know that I am queen worrier of all worriers... however, letting him get into a schedule of sleeping (I usually turn him onto his side, once he's deep asleep) is important to me, especially since he's doing it in his crib with no fussing. PLUS it affords me the opportunity to hear him sing himself to sleep... or "say his prayers" as one of my coworkers said.
I couldn't ask for a better little boy. Mind you... he scoots like a champ!!!! last night I put him down and after coming up to check on him every 10-15 minutes, I came up one time and found him all the way on one side of the crib with his arm hanging out side.... from the shoulder on down. Scared me to death because I didn't know if he was alright... i reached over to nudge him a bit, and he was fine... so then I maneuvered his little arm back into the crib... turned him on his side and decided to buy bumper pads (after talking to my mom.)
So besides the scooting... he does really well on his tummy for sleeping, and I feel comfortable with it... he's making my job pretty easy. He's such a snuggler, which brings me such joy... there's no better feeling than your little one all snuggled up on you, watching the world behind you. I think it's almost as sweet as watching Michael play and talk with him. To see how happy of a little baby he is, with his smiles, and coos and almost-laughs... makes everything right in the world for me.
And he's already 3 months old.... the time is quickly passing! I just found out that my friend, who just had a baby girl in January, is yup... you guessed it, pregnant again! She will have 2 babies under 2 this time next year! Imagine!!! Part of me would almost like my little ones close in age like that... but then i think about it and I really want to savor my time with Becton before we add another one into the mix... they'll all get less time with mommy and daddy than the sibling before them most likely... so I want to be as available as possible for each of them.
It's such a blessing to be able to be a mommy. To be trusted with taking care of these little persons who will turn into big persons and impact the world around them. It makes me even more respectful of the mommies I know, like mine... and my husband's. I think when you first get a child in your world, you don't really know what will happen to them once they're out of your hands, so to speak... what turns will their life take? Will they always feel like they can turn to you and you'll grow from being mommy to their friend, yet your identity to them will remain fluid enough to be mommy when necessary and friend at times, too?
I think of my mom, who was definitely my mommy while I was going through labor with my little boy and who has been my friend ever since I can remember. she's also been Dianne, the person, and each of the identities she exhibits (not in schizophrenic type of thing, but just in the fact that all of us inhabit different roles at different times in our lives, whether it be days or years) is all part of the woman that I would do anything to protect and honor.
I want to be the kind of mom that Becton can feel proud of and comfortable with... I want to be his mommy-friend, I guess. I want to protect him and hold him accountable. I want to watch him grow and be able to watch him make mistakes from a distance without rushing in to try and fix them. I want to be his friend to strategize with about life choices. I want him to always feel comfortable knowing that he has a home to come to if he ever needs to get back on his feet. I want to, someday, see my family grow when he marries his sweetheart and i'll get one more child to add to my family because of how much he loves her and of course, i'll love her too!
Thinking about how much I love our son and want to see him grow and be a happy person that has a positive impact on the world by living his life brightly, gives me a deep appreciation for my mom and my mother-in-law... both who have sons that they are wild about and only want to see happy. My little one's only 3 months old, and I can completely understand, or at least think I understand, how deep a mother's love is for her children... right or wrong... easy or difficult. It's just one of those things that makes sense, and I guess it's because my experiences, albeit immature and inexperienced, help bridge different gaps where I can connect on the mommy-front, even if not on the personal front.
And I guess in the end, it's about getting to the point of understanding, regardless of the route it takes to get there.
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