Well... 1 week (almost) and counting...

in about 10 minutes from now, it will be the 1-week anniversary of me starting labor to bring Mr. Becton into this world. It all seems so surreal that I can't wrap my brain around it. He will be one-week old tomorrow and if there's any way to fall deeper in love with him... i'm sure it will happen. As each day has passed, he looks more and more removed from the instant-baby he was on Sunday night when he came into the world.

I think back on that 28-hour time period with amazement. From the moment my "contractions" started, my mind was racing, wondering if this was REALLY it. Was I going to have a baby? Or was I going to go into the hospital and they would tell me it was a false alarm and send me home. Part of me was hoping for a false alarm!!! So when we got there and she checked me and told me I was only 1cm, I was like, okay - I'll go home. She didn't let me because my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart and "off the charts."

and that's not slang... that is real live stuff... when they hook you up to the fetal monitor thing, there's this little needle that makes the jagged mountain thingies when you have a contraction. My contractions went off of the paper because they were that intense.

Clearly, I could have told anyone that they were that intense, but hey... medicine likes to use a machine to chart their evidence.

Anyway... we're there at 3am and contracting and they say they want to watch me for an hour to see what happens. One hour and a bunch of contractions later... she checks me.

** Just a side note that, if at all possible, at my next labor and birth experience, I'm going to request nurses that have long fingers... my first nurse struggled a LOT to try and figure out how far in to go when her fingers weren't long enough - sorry if this is TMI (too much information) for some... being naked underneath an awkward cotton gown really outweighs the need for modesty in speech. So yeah... that whole "getting checked every hour" thing SUCKED and after all of her struggling, to find out I'm only at 2 cm after 4 hours? Womp. Womp. Depressing. For those that don't know... the goal is 10 cm dilated and 100% effaced. We were doing good on the effaced part...not so good on the dilated part.

If my contractions still weren't so close together, (3-5 minutes) I would have asked to go home - but I was so new to this whole ordeal I really didn't know what I could and couldn't do! So i just sat around in the bed. When I would try to labor standing up, the baby's heartrate would fluctuate and the nurse came in and said "baby doesn't like that position you're in" so I'd have to lay back down in the bed. Between the little earthquake graph thing that monitored my contractions and the machine that monitored my baby's heartbeat, I didn't really do a lot of moving around from 3am till about 6am.

So, come 6am I get a new nurse (Stephanie, who happens to be the sister in law of my midwife Marlee) and get checked again... and I think I was finally at 4cm so they decided to admit me. And from 6am until 6pm I labored and labored with contractions of varying intensity. I labored in the tub w/jets whose jets didn't work (very comfortable, in spite of the malfunction!)... labored while walking in the hallway with Michael (as we realized how small the hospital was)... labored standing up... labored on the birth ball (it's a big yoga ball).... labored with my hypnobirthing cd playing in the room. The music really helped me to relax, although I knew I never got to the full and deep relaxation that I needed to reach. It was very hard for me, not having had ANY contractions prior to actual labor, to practice with and understand what truly needed to be done. The few things I did remember were things that I could visualize. So I have learned that visualization is what will probably work best for me in each of these birthing experiences. It makes sense since I'm a visual learner anyway.

I spent some time on the phone when I could... I talked to my girlfriend Sissy, who is also a mommy, and I talked to my mommy. To both of them I cried and told them how scared I was. It wasn't really the pain that scared me. It was realizing that I had absolutely no "real" idea of what was going on or how long it was going to last or if I'd be able to do it - physically and mentally. You can read as many books as you like and watch all the "miracle of birth" videos but none of them really matter when it's your turn at bat, so to speak.

I guess they were your basic "first time mommy" fears that I was going through. My mom and Sissy told me not to worry and to not cry and that it would be okay. In between contractions I texted friends and family to let them know I was laboring and would probably be having a baby soon. An Easter Sunday Easter bunny baby!!

Family members called my hospital room and I talked with my older sister Renae who coached me through how to push and what to expect it to feel like. As we got on the phone, she told me I didn't sound like a woman in labor, haha. I guess it's because at the time I was somewhat chipper. I'm pretty sure I cried in her ears too though and she told me it would be okay. She also told me it was fine if I "chickened out" and got an epidural :)

That was good to hear. Anyone who knows me, knows I'd been dead set on having a natural birth, no drugs, no intervention. Heck if I could have had a water birth at my home, I probably would have done it. That whole "power of the sacred feminine" was my mantra. But I was starting to contemplate the idea of an epidural especially since she told me she didnt get sick after it wore off. That's my biggest fear with medication... throwing up or feeling nauseous as a side effect. I try to avoid it at all costs, seriously.

My mom was working that morning, so she called often to check in on me. She was, thankfully, only working a half shift since she'd taken off the 2 days before, thinking I would have delivered on Friday or Saturday. When I called her on Thursday to tell her I was 1cm dilated and 50% effaced she was certain that I would probably go into labor within 24 hours. So, sensing, as only mothers can, that I needed her, she assured me that she was coming out to be with me as soon as her shift was over.

In the background her fellow nurses were telling her she needed to leave and come be with me. While she agreed with them, she stuck to her commitment to be at work. I think that's where I get my stubborn commitment to show up for duty when others would possibly call in. (i.e. my plans to be at church on Sunday have surprised a few people! I've heard it's "too soon" to go to church... more on that later) So around 3:30 mommy is arriving and I cried when I saw her. Same as when I cried once my midwife came to check in on me. It was such an emotional time for me. I guess that's normal. I had asked my nurse how many of the other nurses had given birth and she said a few of them had... she wasn't one, though, and shared with me that they'd just had a failed adoption. I was so glad that I didn't ask her, as I had asked another nurse, "Have you had kids?"

So once mommy was there and the midwife came back in, we were discussing breaking my waters. That discussion actually came up at 1pm, but I asked if we could wait for my mom to get there before I made any decisions. By 4pm, I was still unsure about letting my midwife break my waters. i'd been trying to be as obedient to my hypnobirthing "no intervention" philosophy as possible! But I couldn't remember, for the life of me, what I was supposed to do instead to "naturally" encourage my waters to break.

Each time they checked me... I moved 1 or 2 centimeters in dilation. Each time they checked to feel his head, it was there, but it wasn't engaged in my pelvis (i.e. ready to come down and break the waters on its own).

So for 2 hours we walked around the hospital, me and mommy and Michael. We labored in the room and we video taped a lot of it. Close to 5 or 530pm my sisters had arrived at the hospital and it was a full house. I didn't know if I wanted them to see me like I was... in pain and struggling. I'm the oldest of 5 - my little brother is on a mission right now and I thought about him while we were all together.... I felt like i needed to set this example of being "strong" or something... and I knew I would fail miserably because the contractions were getting worse.... and I was exhausted.... we'd passed the 24 hour mark for me being awake as well as for me being in labor. My mind and body were only minimally under my control.

Our nurse showed us some counterpressure techniques which worked WONDERS during contractions and my mom and a sister would brace my knees and push in while I tried to breathe through my contraction. It really helped. Michael also got down to help brace my knees and he and my sisters rotated while my mom came to hold my head and let me groan, whimper and cry through each one. Even though I was exhausted, I remember being mentally in control of any verbal outbursts. I could think pretty clearly until a contraction hit and then all i could think of was to remind myself that it really WASN'T splitting my pelvis in four directions, it just felt like it was... and that it would be over soon because no contraction lasts forever.

I remember a time when both Michael and my mom were trying to soothe me during a contraction. Bless his heart, Michael was trying to do his best as labor coach and cameraman, and in the end decided that he was best behind the camera. It meant alot to me to see him try and calm me down. Our labor experience was one of the many ways i envisioned us growing closer as a couple.

By 6pm, my pelvis was on fire every few seconds, my water still hadnt broken and mom asked if i wanted medication. YES was out of my mouth the minute she said "meh."

Phentonyl to the rescue! It was going to take the edge off of these "7 to 10 cm" contractions. Take the edge off it did! 50 mg per dose (i could only have up to 200mg i think) every half hour was the first move.

The nurses and my midwife kept telling me i was doing a good job. I kept telling them they were just saying that... they laughed. I laughed on the inside, thankful to still have a sense of humor 26 hours into it. After 30 mins the first dose of Phentonyl wore off and we had me loaded up with another 50mg dose in no time... of course with the "each dose wont be as powerful as the first" disclaimer.

Well if that didnt hold true to form within 15 minutes of dose #2. We made it through to dose #3 and I decided firmly withiin myself to ask the following question, "After my water breaks, can I have the final dose or an epidural?" My midwife and nurse said yes and I said thanks. I had decided that I wanted an epidural.

Well the world according to Dianne was still stuck in my sacred feminine mantra and she says "you don't want an epidural, honey... with that needle in your back.... just a few more contractions, we'll break your water and it will go fast! 10 minutes. We'll breathe the baby down, push if we have to, and he'll be here!"

And as I felt my pelvis getting ready for another contraction, I firmly told my mother that I didn't want any more contractions, I was quite through and I was having an epidural or I wasnt going to be her friend anymore. The rationale in my head and as I later told her was that I was losing focus on the happiness of having my baby because I was reaching my pain threshold. It wasnt that I couldnt take the pain. I knew that I could. I just didnt want to. It wasn't worth ruining a happy experience of bringing my little boy into the world for the sake of doing it 100% naturally. One of the affirmations I used in preparing for birth was "I am prepared to meet whatever turns my labor gives me." Getting an epidural was one of those turns.

So now it's 730 and we're going to break my water to get the head engaged and get the baby out. Throughout the entire labor, little becton kicked around and seemed to move freely. He didnt seem restricted in the way that havinghis head engaged should have facilitated. But each time they checked me, they said they felt his head... so we had no reason to believe otherwise.

My waters are broken during 2 pelvis splitting contractions and it really feels like you're peeing and cant stop. Dilation check & survey says???????? 8-9 cm.

what.
the.
crap.

Are you serious??? 27.5 hours and I'm still not all the way there.

99.99% effaced, though. I think my mom just made up that number to make me feel good.

So my midwife is feeling around for the head and becomes concerned about his position... he's possibly face forward instead of back of the head forward. So she waits for the on-call OB, Dr. Augustyn, to come check me too. She's in the middle of deliverig a placenta so we had to wait.

I felt my body push and my urge to help it along through all of this positioning confusion and I made myself wait to push, wondering how long I could keep myself distracted from it.

Dr. A comes in and checks me through another pelvis splitter and when she says, "that's a butt" I was like - you've got to be kidding me!!! My midwife is like are you sure? I could have sworn she's been vertex all day. And I'm watching this back and firth like a tennis match thinking... "I feel like pushing."

Dr. A asks me if he flipped over. And I just looked at her. He's been moving all day, I said. Big and little movements, I dont know if he somersaulted or not.... he's just in there.

Relizing that i will be of little help, they bust out the old school ultrasound machine - it's like being at a basketball or football game and the refs are pulling out the monitors to verify if the right call was made... was he in, out, or on the line? Ultrasound machine shows mr bighead up near my belly button and the consent form I almost didnt sign when I was doing my paperwork came into play - emerency c-section.

I'd be getting my epidural afterall!!

So they ask me who i want in because I can only have one person in. Mike and mom decide that it would be best for mom to go .I doubt Michael wanted to see me get cut open after everything else he had witnessed that day. So mom suits up and they wheel me out of the delivery room into OR. I asked if I'll be awake when he comes out and they say yes, unless I feel the surgery and they have to put me all the way under, so with that, I felt comfortable enough to wave bye to the camera and we are on the way to have my baby!!

The medical staff seems to be in a bit of a rush and i'm not in the best of spirits because I realized that it's almost 8pm....getting close to the last dose of Phentonyl wearing off and the contractions are still coming hard and fast.

They get me into the room and everyone's scrubbed down. Dr. A is trying to brace one of my knees for my contraction and bless her heart, she weighs probably as much as I did, minus 10 pounds, before I was pregnant! She didn't have a lot of leverage. My midwife came up by then and let me hold her hand - hold is not really what i was doing, it was more like clutching - but I didn't want to hurt her, so I tried to not squeeze too bad. I just laid my head on her shoulder and cried while she encouraged me to breathe and told me the pain would be gone soon.

By then, mom's in the room and so is the nurse anesthetist (sp?). His name is Mark and he has an accent that comes out when he starts talking to my mom because her drawl is present as well. turns out he's from Georgia, in an area that my mom knew well. I swear, we make friends anywhere.

He scrubs my back and asks me to round it out "like an angry cat." So I rounded my back out and told them to wait because I felt another contraction coming on. He waited until I was coming down from it and scrubbed my back and then injected whatever it was he injected, telling me what to expect to feel second by second. Prick, then burn, then warm sensation and tingling down my legs to my feet, then they tilted me backwards for it to run up towards my chest asking that I let them know when I could still feel myself breathing and they leveled me out at that moment. Mark took a needle and asked me to differentiate between "sharp" and "pressure" at various points of my body. During this time I was wiggling my right foot, hoping that I wouldn't be able to wiggle it for too long! So I felt pressure and sharpness for about 20 seconds and then we were totally numb and it was time to go. I asked if I was still contracting and they said yes. I was like oh... well contract away!!!! Give me 10 more! this is great!!!

Yay epidurals.

I have to say here that once my body was numb and I couldn't feel anything besides them telling me I'd feel pressure like someone was stirring my body from sleep, shaking me left and right...... instantly I was dead tired and wanted to do nothing but sleep! I fought to keep my eyes open and my mom came and sat next to me, watching everything that I couldn't see beyond the blue tarp they pulled in front of my face. I felt them pushing me left and right like they said and I asked mom what they were doing and she told me they were pulling the baby out!!!

And when I heard his sweet little voice screaming, instantly I was awake, telling him it was okay, mommy was here. The staff - and my mom - were laughing because he was peeing on everyone. It reminded me of the onesie we'd just purchased that said "automatic sprinkler" haha. My mom was commenting on how large his scrotum was. It turns out they were enlarged because his booty was engaged in my cervix and on the way down while they were making the incisions to pull him out from the top!

They brought him over to me once he stopped peeing and I got to see his little bloody, purple-y brown looking body and kissed his little footsies and told him mommy was here. They took him to clean him off and then brought him back to me again and I got to kiss his little face and hands and they took him away to clean him off, warm him up and do his tests while they sewed me up and prepared to wheel me into recovery.

I was dead tired.

I stayed in recovery for about an hour and a half, floating in and out of consciousness with accompanying nausea and itchiness. All of which are to be expected, I was told. I asked if I could sleep and they said yes. For some reason I kept thinking that if I fell asleep, it would be bad. After an hour and a half, I felt rested enough to know that I would have to fight throwing up at some point in time that night. So the nurse gave me some anti-nausea meds and they wheeled me to my recovery room where I saw my sister holding my precious baby boy. Once I was in the room, they brought him over to me and we had our first nursing session. His little eyes were open and darting around as he took in his surroundings and once mommy had him and was feeding him, his little eyes closed and he rested.

28 hours of labor and I had my very own easter bunny.... Becton Moroni Schultz.

Life could only get better from here on out! And it has.

this was a LONG entry, so I'll do shorter updates another time. There's been even more exciting stuff - if you can believe it - this week for us to share.... so we'll do that in between putting up pics of Mr. Becton "Fat Cheeks like nobody's business" Schultz.

Thank you to EVERYONE for the prayers, love and support. We are ecstatic to be parents!!!